Moyesy says: “We feel real disappointment on the opening day of the season and I can’t do anything about it. We’ll try and correct the faults and look at it tomorrow.

“I didn’t think we played that badly in the first half but we lost two diabolical goals from set pieces which made the scoreline worse than it maybe should have been at half time.”

“Second half we didn’t perform at all.The next goal in the second half was always going to be crucial, if we could have made it 3-1, but they scored two goals and the game was well and truly over.”

"I think everybody knows we’d like to sign players, buts it’s not that easy and everybody knows we’ve got restraints but that’s fine. In any case you should have seen a performance much greater than the one you saw today.”

* Moyesy heading the ball back when it went out and also trapping the ball and passing it back. (8 marks)

* After a mixed reception of Boo's and Cheers for Roger, The fans singing "There's only one Joleon Lescott."

* Everton score their only goal to make it 6-1, the fans who were still in the ground singing "Who the fuckin hell are you?"

IF ANY EVERTON FAN WANTS TO WRITE A REPORT OF ANY OF THIS SEASON'S GAMES, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO. JUST E-MAIL IT TO info@bluekipper.com AND WE WILL PUT IT HERE.

Well, what can I say, absolute horse shite Everton. My birthday had been good up to the game, I went golfing on the Wirral, then Damon's for a meal, then I hoped to top it off with a great win against the arse, but god was I disappointed. First I was shocked and let down by the bastards who cheered Roger. I ended up having an argument. with someone who thought he knew Everton. Well then the match started, for about 15 minutes it looked even, then they got there first goal. I can forgive that one because it was a good goal from far out, but the next two goals were exactly identical. Free headers at the far post. Half time and about 50 people left near us, and so they fucking should. About 1 minute after the start of the 2nd half they scored, I wanted to get off then but about 20 minutes later we did, 5 fucking 0. What an embarrassment. We got back to the car in time to hear there 6th and our first. Absolute disgrace. Youz have ruined me birthday Everton.

Overall: Get 2 center half's, a right back, a right winger, and a decent fucking center mid and we might, just might do what we did last year, we need more than a "couple of signings" Moyesy. Absolute disgrace.WILL JONES, HUYTON

Out of the blocks and on the rocks
By
Mickey Blue Eyes

The respected American theologian James Douglass once observed that if you stare at the same spot long enough you begin to see things that aren’t there. In the peculiar world of modern professional football and its acolytes there is no better example of this than the so called “transfer window,” that crazy pre-season casino period when conspiratorial paranoia runs rife amongst players, administrators, owners and terrace/ale house peons alike. Journalists are the worst of all. Occasionally you decide maybe the worst of them deserve each other, while wondering why anybody would want to waste a precious second of life on that manufactured infantile muck. Me, years ago I decided to leave them to it in their overcrowded padded cell and concentrate on other and better things, such as enjoying an actual game of footy or taking the dog for a walk. To say the Joleon Lescott transfer melodrama demeans everybody connected with it is not merely to state the obvious, it is to make a moral statement. At which point you are drawn into a much wider context.........

Which is why anticipation and relish of a new season is always a refreshing if short lived experience. Naively, it contains unfettered enthusiasm, optimism and humour. Last season triumphs and disappointments are forgotten. The kids are full of open-faced, innocent hope; the colours seem brighter, crowds not yet a baying unhappy mob, paranoid internet nutters not yet scarring the zeitgeist. Unless, of course, your team is beaten in the first game. This was a real prospect since we faced Arsenal, a difficult opponent even though they aren’t quite the team they were. A few years ago we faced them at the Emirates and played defensively out of survival necessity, and got a draw. Post-match, this brought the metromoronic press to David Moyes complaining he hadn’t shown up and rolled over to suit their weird Canary Wharf prejudices. He answered something along the lines that he would be able to make a better game of it in a few years, which in general he has. Yet the centre of our team has been torn out through injuries and won’t be available until a quarter of the season has gone, nor do we have any money to replace them. But Arsenal’s team pattern was similarly disrupted. Therefore, the result was very much in the balance. We couldn’t have had a better opening match, or so we thought.

Then we hit the rocks with our eyes wide open. By the end of the game you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was surreal and totally unexpected, like that old Titanic joke – the one where there’s a crowd gathered at the Cunard Building reading the posted list of survivors, and a polar bear appears at the back of the crowd asking anxiously, “Any news of the iceberg?” In our case we sank without trace, not even with a stream of bubbles on the surface.

It was, of course, utterly disgraceful and there are no excuses whatever. Arsenal were good but they weren’t that good. For some unfathomable reason we were just awful, perhaps worse than even the dark days pre-Moysey. Only Steven Pienaar got anywhere near his normal form, though that’s strictly relative. There’s no point blaming any individual because they were all culpable in varying degrees. All of which dwarfed the Lescott episode into insignificance, including the mixture of cheers and boos he got initially when he went near the ball. In the end he was just another one who raised a white flag before a shot was fired. During a lifetime of watching the club this was arguably the worst home display I have seen.

Actually, we might have known what was coming when Moyesy disappeared into the dugout after the second goal and didn’t reappear. We long ago thought he’d left that kind of sulking behind him, but apparently not. But what’s the point of singling him out? He wasn’t out there on the pitch playing like a lemon, not to say lemming. Take that first goal, eerily reminiscent of last season’s first conceded to Blackburn. As then, their man was left with enough time in the centre to take aim and get off an easy shot. Your granny could have scored it. The entire central defence and midfield looked on disinterested. All of it made a mockery of the fans’ preseason enthusiasm. The wonder is they didn’t react with understandable fury.

The end of the game was as bizarre as events during it. The remaining crowd – many left long before the end, and who could blame them? – were more numbed than rebellious. One guy walked past me with his friend and said with a rueful grin, “Fuck it. We started badly last season too. We’ll get back to normal.” Someone else said, “After this, the only way is up,” obviously forgetting the route taken in reverse by Newcastle last season. In general the fans just filed out unable to credit how badly we played. I daresay the expression on my face was no different to theirs.

The reality of the game is that it was reasonably even until we let in two stupid goals just before half time and then got done in two quick breakaways in the second half. There was some luck involved too – at one point you felt that if one of theirs had backheeled it from the halfway line it would have gone in somehow. None of this is to deny how well Arsenal took their chances, only to show how unforgiving the game is at this level. If your playing attitude is as bad as ours was, particularly in defence, then you are begging for the kind of pasting we got. It was duly administered. We can have no complaints. It was difficult to swallow, but if this doesn’t deliver a wake-up call to players and manager then nothing will. In which case even a modest Czech team will knock us out of Europe at the first hurdle. So one hopes they won’t spend too much time staring at their collective navel.

It was a chastening opening alright, as bad as it could get. We’ll find out on Thursday if they have the stomach to set matters right. If not, it’s going to be a long and trying time until – if ever – the full restoration of Mikky, The Yak and Jags.

What Do You Think The Score Will Be? e-mail info@bluekipper.com

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Good news and bad news for Moyesy in that Jo has won his fitness battle, but Peanuts faces a last minute test on his knee injury. With over £40m worth of talent on Basil's treatment table in the shape of The Yak, Mikky, Big Vic and The Jag, Moyesy will be reliant on the same charges that battled their way to Wembley in last seasons final match. That will include Roger at centre half, who is still with the Blues after Moyesy once again told Sitteh to back off. Tim Howard will have Bainsey, Hibbo, Roger and Joey at the back, Jo and King Louis will lead the line, with Screech, Phil Neville, Tiny and hopefully Nuts sitting in the middle.

The Blues welcome The Arse, who five years ago put four past the Blues in a 4-1 win at Goodison in the season curtain raiser. The Blues though are a much stronger team today, and it took a last second Robin Van Persie goal at Goodison back in January stop the Blues taking maximum points. We also finished the season on a four game unbeaten Premiership run, that secured us fifth place, which was nine points and one place behind tomorrows opponents in the Premiership.

Everton From: Howard, Nash, Hibbert, Neville, Rodwell, Lescott, Yobo, Baines, Fellaini, Cahill, Gosling, Osman, Pienaar, Baxter, Wallace, Vaughan, Saha, Jo, Agard, Jutkiewicz, Duffy, Forshaw Lavo's Staring XI: Howard, Baines, Lescott, Yobo, Hibbert, Neville, Felliani, Pienaar, Cahill, Jo, Saha

No Adebayor, Kolo Toure, who have gone for the riches at Eastlands, but don't think for a second Arse of The Arse has dropped a clanger. One time Blue's target Andre Arshavin will be making headlines this season along with Jack Wilshire, Theo Walcott, Cesc Fabregas and the returning Eduardo. They will be a force again, but they will have to face the Blues without young Theo, and hopefully leave Goodison with nil points.

The Arse From: Almunia, Mannone, Sagna, Clichy, Gallas, Vermaelen, Gibbs, Traore, Silvestre, Fabregas, Arshavin, Denilson, Song, Ramsey, Wilshere, Eduardo, Van Persie, Bendtner, Vela.